Reflections on Leadership

When Your Values Cost You Something

Leadership Drift This Week

When Your Values Cost You Something

Most leaders can tell you what they believe. They can point to their values on a wall, in an employee handbook, or in a speech to the organization. But if you don’t responsibly stand up for those values when things get difficult, do you really have them? Good values and ethics are table stakes.

It’s easy to have principles when they are convenient. It is considerably harder when following them means giving something up.

A lot of people think they need “f-you money” before they can take meaningful action. There’s some truth in that. Having enough money that you can walk away from a job, a client, a relationship, or an opportunity certainly gives you options. Financial independence can make difficult choices less frightening. But it isn’t a prerequisite for effective leadership. Courage and conviction work, too.

Courage is not the absence of risk. It is the willingness to accept a reasonable risk because something else matters more.

Conviction is not stubbornness. It is knowing what you believe, why you believe it, and being prepared to act accordingly.

Leadership eventually presents us with a choice: What are you willing to risk to remain the leader you say you are?

Sometimes the risk is relatively small.

You give someone else the credit when you could have taken it yourself.
You give people discretion when you could have maintained control.
You let someone own a decision and live with the possibility that they might make a different decision than you would.
You tell someone the truth when telling them what they want to hear would be easier.
You invest in someone's growth without keeping score of what you might get back.
You choose the needs of the people you lead over your own convenience.

These choices may not make headlines. But they are consequential. They demonstrate that your leadership isn't ultimately about accumulating control, recognition, or personal advantage.

Then there are the harder choices.

You speak up when something is wrong even though the people around you would rather you didn't.
You challenge bureaucracy that has become an excuse for not doing the right thing.
You confront complacency.
You question a decision that conflicts with your principles.
You defend someone who doesn't have the power to defend themselves.
You say no when saying yes would be considerably more profitable.
You act against the prevailing opinion because you believe the prevailing opinion is wrong.

And sometimes you risk a substantial personal loss because achieving the right outcome matters more than protecting your own position.

None of this means a leader should be reckless. Courage without judgment is not leadership. Neither is martyrdom.

Responsible leadership requires understanding the consequences, considering who will be affected, distinguishing principle from ego, and accepting that sometimes the courageous choice is to compromise, wait, negotiate, or walk away.

But some moments are difficult precisely because there is something to lose. That's when values stop being words.

What are your values, or do you have a code of ethics? Fine leadership questions, but inadequate. Dig deeper.

What do your actions say you value?
Whose interests do your actions serve?
Where are you willing to give up control so someone else can grow?
When was the last time you gave away credit that you could have claimed?
What truth are you reluctant to tell?
Where are you tolerating something you know isn't right because confronting it would be inconvenient?
What would you say no to, even if you had a lot to lose?
What would you be willing to risk to defend what you believe?

And perhaps the hardest question: What are your values worth when they cost you something?

We don't really discover our values when everything is going our way. We discover them when the choice gets difficult.

Leadership is a responsibility. Sometimes that responsibility requires courage. And sometimes courage is simply deciding that what matters more is worth the risk.

Manage Better. Lead Well.

407. When Your Values Cost Y...

Sep 22 · Reflections on Leadershi...

4:45

Drift Pattern of the Week:

Weak Accountability

Sometimes weak accountability looks like a leader making exceptions when holding the line would be uncomfortable. A standard is clear until a favored person violates it. A difficult behavior is tolerated because confronting it would create conflict. People question a decision privately but accept it publicly because challenging it carries a cost.

Leaders may overlook this because each exception seems reasonable in isolation. Over time, however, exceptions become signals. People learn which standards actually matter, who is protected, and what leadership will tolerate.

The organization may still have strong values on paper. Its operating values have become something else.

Leadership Practice

Choose one principle you say matters to your leadership. Identify one recent decision where following it would have cost you something and examine what you actually chose.

Diagnostic Question

If your people judged your values entirely by what you are willing to risk, sacrifice, or give up, what would they conclude you actually value?

From My Desk

Leaders rarely abandon their values in one dramatic moment. More often, the gap develops through a series of small accommodations.

A difficult conversation gets postponed. Leaders make an exception for a high performer. A questionable decision is allowed to stand because challenging it would consume political capital.

And leaders can usually explain every individual choice. The problem becomes visible only when you look at the pattern. Employees see patterns. They are learning what appears to matter when there is something to lose.

Recommended Resource

Leadership Drift Self-Check

When leaders want to know whether their stated leadership standards are actually showing up in practice, the Leadership Drift Self-Check provides a structured way to examine the gap.

It is particularly useful when you suspect that something has shifted but cannot yet put your finger on it.

The value is the opportunity to see where your leadership may have drifted from the standards, expectations, or principles you intended to uphold, and to identify where closer attention may be warranted.