Reflections on Leadership

When Feelings Start Making Leadership Decisions

Leadership Drift This Week

When Feelings Start Making Leadership Decisions

Leadership gets harder when you let what's happening inside you determine what happens around you.

You put off a difficult conversation you don't want to have. You aren't sure which decision to make, so you keep gathering information. You worry about how an idea will be received, so you keep refining it. You get frustrated that the same problem keeps happening, so you complain about it instead of addressing it.

None of these reactions is unusual; they're human.

A feeling can be real without being a reliable instruction.

When we're uncertain, we want certainty before we act. When we're worried, we want reassurance before we move. When we're doubtful, we want confidence before we commit. When we're frustrated, we want someone or something to change before we engage again.

But leadership rarely gives us that sequence. More often, action comes first. Clarity comes from the conversation. Evidence comes from the test. Better decisions come from making decisions.

Confidence often follows action rather than preceding it.

The Seven Places We Get Stuck

Consider what happens when these tendencies begin to influence our behavior.

Indifference says, "It probably doesn't matter." Sometimes that's true. But sometimes indifference is simply a convenient way to avoid something that matters because dealing with it is uncomfortable. If it matters, face reality. Ask the question. Make the call. Have the conversation. Do something concrete.

Indecision can feel like responsibility. We gather more information, compare another option, revise the proposal, or ask for another opinion. Sometimes that's exactly what good judgment requires. But sometimes we're asking analysis to give us certainty that only action can provide. Set a reasonable deadline, make the best decision available, and learn from what happens next.

Doubt asks, "What if I'm wrong?" That's not a bad question. Leaders should be willing to question their assumptions. But doubt becomes unhelpful when an untested thought overrules tested experience. Look at the evidence. What do you know? What have you built? What have you learned? What has actually happened when you tried? Use evidence rather than demanding that doubt disappear.

Worry can make us feel as though we're working on a problem when we're really just circling it. The useful question is, "What can I actually do about this?" If you can influence something, influence it. If you need information, get it. If you need to have a conversation, have it. Worry becomes more useful when you convert it into action.

Over-caution is particularly seductive for capable people. If you're good at thinking, planning, modeling, and anticipating problems, there is always another improvement to make before you act. But preparation eventually becomes a substitute for testing. Sometimes testing the idea will teach you more than another week of refinement. Put the idea in front of someone. Try the process with one team. Make the offer. Let reality respond.

Pessimism often sounds like experience. "People aren't interested." "We've tried that before." "The team won't go for it." "The market isn't there." Maybe. But did you ask? Did you test it? Did you make the offer? There is a difference between learning from experience and using experience to predict the future without collecting new evidence. When possible, replace prediction with contact.

And then there's complaining. A complaint can be useful. It can identify a problem that deserves attention. But eventually it has to go somewhere. Turn it into a request, a decision, an experiment, or an action. Fix it. Change it. Accept it. Or stop discussing it. Repeating the complaint doesn't create movement.

These tendencies are different, but they have something in common: they can make inaction feel reasonable. That's what makes them dangerous.

The Leadership Drift Connection

This is also where I see a connection to Leadership Drift, which can begin with a series of small accommodations to what we're feeling in the moment.

You’re tired, so you’ll deal with it tomorrow. You’re uncertain, so you’ll wait for more information. You’re worried, so you’ll think about it a little longer. You’re frustrated, so there's no point having the conversation again. You’re pessimistic, so you already know how this will go.

Each choice may seem harmless. But repeated often enough, those choices begin to affect how we lead, and eventually, the delayed conversation becomes a communication problem. The unmade decision becomes an execution problem. The avoided follow-up becomes an accountability problem. The untested idea becomes a performance problem. The repeated complaint becomes a cultural problem.

Leaders shouldn’t somehow eliminate difficult emotions. The organizational problem may be real. But sometimes we can trace part of its history back to something much smaller: a leader repeatedly letting their internal state determine external behavior.

That's the part worth paying attention to.

Feelings Are Information, Not Instructions

Trying to become endlessly confident, optimistic, decisive, or positive is unrealistic and probably exhausting. Instead, become better at noticing what you're experiencing without automatically obeying it.

You can be doubtful and still examine the evidence. You can be worried and still take the next useful action. You can be frustrated and still have a constructive conversation. You can be cautious and still run a small test. You can be pessimistic and still ask the question. You can be uncertain and still make the decision. You can be disappointed and still decide what happens next.

That is a more useful standard for leadership than pretending difficult emotions don't exist.

The question to ask yourself: "What is this feeling asking me to do, and is that actually what the situation requires?"

Sometimes the answer will be yes. Often it won't. The pause is where leadership happens. Effective leadership isn't the absence of doubt, worry, frustration, or uncertainty. It is the discipline to feel what you feel without automatically letting it decide what you do.

Feelings are information. They deserve to be noticed. They deserve to be understood, but they don't necessarily deserve to be obeyed.

Manage Better. Lead Well.

Drift Pattern of the Week: Weak Accountability

Leadership accountability isn't only about holding other people responsible. Leaders are accountable for their own follow-through. When uncertainty, worry, frustration, or doubt repeatedly determines whether a leader acts, responsibility becomes inconsistent. The pattern can be difficult to see because the delay often has a reasonable explanation. But over time, conversations don't happen, decisions remain unresolved, and problems become normalized.

Leadership Practice

Name the feeling, then separate it from the decision. Before delaying, avoiding, or acting, ask: What am I feeling? What does the situation actually require? Then choose the action based on the second answer.

Diagnostic Question

If your current feelings were removed from the equation, what would you know this leadership situation requires you to do next?

From My Desk

Experienced leaders struggle when they know what needs to happen but have developed a very reasonable explanation for why now isn't the right time.

That explanation can sound remarkably responsible: gather more information, wait until emotions settle, revisit the issue later, get everyone aligned first.

The problem is that organizations experience the delay, not the reasoning behind it.

Leadership maturity is being trustworthy enough to act responsibly even when you're affected.

Recommended Resource

Leadership Drift Self-Check

Leadership Drift shows up as recurring problems that have gradually become normal: conversations that don't happen, decisions that linger, accountability that weakens, or issues everyone knows about, but nobody resolves.

The Leadership Drift Self-Check provides a simple way to step back and examine where leadership may be drifting from what the organization actually requires.

It's a useful first step for identifying patterns that have become easy to overlook, and creating a clearer starting point for deciding what deserves attention next.